Finally cracked the double digits. To commemorate this special occasion, I’ve illustrated a great moment in American history: President Theodore “Bull Moose” Roosevelt punching a Sasquatch. Why did Roosevelt feel the need to pummel this strange, majestic creature? I have no idea, but just look at the joy on Teddy’s face. I’d wager a guess that he did it for pure entertainment. Also, I apologize in advance if your computer bursts into flames from too much awesome once you click on that thumbnail. Enjoy.
“Sasquatch smiled when he saw the axe-wielding president. He approached President Roosevelt from behind. Wearing a wide smile on his furry face, he outstretched his arms to embrace Teddy in a loving and warm manner.
‘Mr. President! Look out! A hairy shroud of darkness!’ cried one baby-faced reporter.
The president turned around and shouted, ‘By Jove! It’s a greasy swamp monster!’ And with the reflexes of a jackrabbit backed into a corner by a deadly diamondback, Roosevelt smashed his knuckles into the bewildered brown beast’s teeth, knocking him out cold.
As Sasquatch lay unconscious on the White House front lawn, the president promptly buried his axe into the majestic yeti’s sternum, shouting ‘Not today ‘ya hairy hunk ‘a ham!’
News reporters and photographers swarmed around the president and the slain Sasquatch. President Roosevelt pulled the axe out and placed his foot atop Sasquatch’s chest. Smiling, he raised the axe above his head victoriously.
The news cameras’ flashbulbs flared, capturing President Roosevelt and the American spirit: Conquering and exploiting that which you do not immediately understand.”
-Excerpt from the non-existent, propaganda-filled children’s pick-your-own-ending book, “Sasquatch Visits the White House in 1905!”
I have to make this now! Jeez, Kyle! Thanks for giving me all this inspiration!